"The Posse"

As I have mentioned before, while I was at SPLICE I got really close to a small group of women and we were called "the posse" by everyone else. I can honestly say to you that never in a million years would I have believed you if you would have said that I would have gotten so incredibly close with these women in just three short weeks, but God had a different plan.


Words can not describe the bond that we formed. The crazy thing about it is that we became so close and it all started on that first night at MTI together, we sat by each other in class, at dinner together and then played and intense game of horse together. We just instantly bonded. I can not thank God enough for these women! We formed a bond that will even be sustained in spite of fact that we are all going to different countries around the world. I have to admit that I miss and love them so very much but the great thing about technology today is that we will be able to keep in contact with each other! :) Also in becoming so close we have little things that will occur in our everyday life that will remind me of them. :)


The posse was made up of Stephanie, Renee, Ashley, Oriana, Christina, Emma and I. I love these ladies but I have to say that honestly 5yr Emma had a huge impact on me. I never would have guessed that a 5yr old would have such an impact on me in that little time span but I have to say that when saying goodbye to everyone, saying goodbye to Emma was the hardest for me. She will always have a special place in my heart!

Here is the group pic of everyone from SPLICE, it's the only picture were all the posse members are together, so I wanted to add it:)



This is probably my favorite picture of the posse!! :)
(L to R: Renee, Emma, me, Stephanie, Ashley)

:)

Since the last couple post have been about very deep and intense things, here is a picture post that gives just a glimpse of the awesome time I had while at MTI and the amazing people I spent three weeks with! :) I will never forget the amazing time that we had at SPLICE!
Emma and Joy! We were getting ready to watch Tangled! I can say that watching Tangled will never be the same as watching it with my SPLICE family :)
Playing at the park in Manitou Springs...there is a great story that goes with this picture and me trying to sit on it correctly, but you'll have to ask about that one ;)
Laura, Christina and Stephanie walking through Manitou Springs :)
Playing Monopoly Deal...pretty much the most amazing game EVER!
Ladies night out! We ate at this amazing Mexican restaurant.
Joshua! The single ladies held a babysitting night, so the couples could go out for a few hours without their kids.
More from babysitting night...the older kids helped out too! :)
Fun at Focus on the Family. I have to say that we had more fun in the kid section than the adult section.
Just playing in Narnia :)
Ashley and I :) We are going to be neighbors, she is going to Honduras and I will be in ES!
The Posse!! :) (minus Christina and Oriana). These are some of the most amazing women I have ever met. I can honestly say that I never thought I would become so close to these ladies in just three weeks. Words just can not describe the bond that we formed! I miss them and love them a lot!

Hello's/ Goodbyes and Glorifying God

I have to say that out of the three weeks at SPLICE, the last week is possibly the most intense! The sessions were really good but they also very emotional. If you know me there is one thing that I really really dislike and that is saying goodbye to people. I think maybe this is because when growing up we moved so much that when ever I had made friends I would have to turn around and say goodbye again. So I had a feeling that our session on goodbyes would be really hard and emotional.

Just like with many other things in myself I have insulated myself when saying goodbye, becuase I didn't want to feel that emotion and that hurt of having to say goodbye.Robin then asked us to write down and invited us to share with the group the names of the people who we still had to say goodbye to and that we were struggling with the fact that we had to say goodbye. I have to admit that as I started writing I just started crying, because I guess that I really didn't realize how much it's going to hurt and how hard its going to be to say goodbye. I didn't even realize that I have to tell my nieces and nephews that I am leaving. Saying goodbye is really really hard but I am comforted again and agian by something that Robin said while we were at SPLICE and if I had to pick one thing out of all the things that Robin said while we where at SPLICE that resonated with me the most it would have to be when he said one of the first days:

"that when you say goodbye I hope it hurts because then you know that you've loved and have been loved".

Glorifying God!!!

That afternoon, we gathered around in a circle and there was a pile of rocks in the middle of the room laying on top of sheets that had our joys and thanks that we had written down from the 3wks we had been at SPLICE.
We all were then told to pick up a rock and write on that rock what God has taught us while we have been at SPLICE. We then got up one by one to share in the middle about what God has taught us and to give him all the Glory for what He has done! I wrote many things on mine including: community, Sabbath, and yay/yuck ducks! I still can put into words what God in my heart while I was a SPLICE. I came to SPLICE thinking I was all good to go and such, but during three short weeks God did heart surgery on me and changed me and for that I am so very thankful!It was great to see person after person get up and share about what God has done and how he has been continually faithfull!!

Grief and Loss

This was yet again a very intense topic and honestly it's one that most people don't want to talk about because its not fun. Grief and Loss are something that we all have faced and will all continue to face. This session really hit a lot deeper than I thought that it would, part of that is how have handle or more appropriately didn't handle grief and loss in my past and this coupled with the fact that reality set in that I am leaving and as a result of that I am experiencing a lot of grief and loss and others will also be feeling this because I am leaving.

How we deal with grief and loss is not just about the here and now but also how we have dealt or in my case didn't deal with grief and loss. There isn't some sure fire way that we can just deal with the grief that comes with losses as a quote in our notebook said "Grief is not itself something we recover from. It is, rather, a process that helps us to recover from the many losses we experience" I think that many times we want that sure fire way and those quick steps to just get it done and over with but the reality of it all is that grief is both hard and complicated process. However, it is this process that helps heal and grow because too many times (like almost all the time when I was growing up) I would just postpone the grief, I would use those one liners like "Look on the brightside" or "Just keep smiling" but in my attempts to avoid grief it hasn't lead to anything other than more pain and no growth.

After talking about how we deal with grief we drove into the Word of God and sought out verses that talked about grief. Through out history the Israelites were very open in their mourning of grief and loss and shared each others burdens. They didn't sit next to someone who was mourning and say "suck it up" they sat there and would weep with the person.

The next thing Robin had us do is to think of scripture that has brought us comfort in our times or grief and loss and then ask the class to share verses/passages. This was such an amazing time of worship. To just hear God's truth filling the room was a true blessing. We then ended the time by writing our prayers and laments on large pieces of paper and as we all sat in a circle, Robin invited those who wanted to share to cry out to God with their prayer. Personally, this is were I guess reality set in for me and I kind of loss it emotionally ( and those of you who know me know that I rarely ever cry) I guess I had never truly realized how much grief and loss I have experienced and so as I wrote my prayers to God, for the first time in what seems like the one of the first times in my life, I allowed myself to feel grief and mourn some of those losses I have occurred in my life. I couldn't bring myself to share with the group so I silently prayed but to be will all of my SPLICE family and being able to hear their prayers and being able to just be with them as we grieved together was such a complete blessing.

I know that I have a long way to go in this process of dealing with grief and loss but I am praying that God continues to work in my heart in this area of my life. I pray that I will continue being open to this grieving and actually continue to allow myself to grieve and be able to sit with others as they grieve. Grief and loss is hard but I always take comfort in the fact that one day He will wipe away all our tears!

Pikes Peak

So now for a fun post! :) As many of you know that while at SPLICE we were in Palmer Lake, which is right near Colorado Springs. That meant that we lived for three weeks next to the Colorado Rockies, and one of the most famous mountains in the US is Pikes Peak. So the second weekend that we were in CO. The posse (Stephanie, Renee, Oriana, Ashley and I) took the cog railway up to Pikes Peak. It was truly a blast. So here are some pics:

This is the cog rail that took us up to the top. This train can stop within three seconds.

The Posse(minus Renee who is taking the picture)on our way up to the summit of Pikes Peak!


View from the top of Pikes Peak. It was a bit foggy because there was a huge wildfire on the New Mexico/Colorado boarder.

I learned that the song "America the Beautiful" was actually written as a result of a trip up to the summit of Pikes Peak. You learn something new everyday :)

The Posse at the summit!! I love these girls and we had an amazing time!

The Transition Bridge

I would have to say that I have a dislike of transition but as I have been preparing to go out into the field I've had to face quite a bit of transition. Although God has been teaching me how to be flexible and He has been very gracious in helping me through these transitions in my life. However, at times change and transition just isn't fun at all...it maybe from the fact that I had to move back home with my parents for the first time in 4yrs, the fact that I don't know my exact departure date because I don't know when the needed funds will come in or the fact that even though I am still here in the US my heart is in El Salvador. I'm learning the importance of the phrase "God Help!" that we learned while at SPLICE.

To help better explain what it's like to go through transition our trainers set up a "transition bridge". The bridge was made up of a few chairs on either end of the “bridge” and these represented the beginning and end of a transition. The giant bouncy balls in the middle represent the turbulent time of CHAOS .The chaos area is not stable and the hardest part of the bridge to cross. This was also the place were people most often people would reach out for help. I would have to say that I am into the CHAOS stage in my transition from the states to ES. It's during this time of transition where I need your prayers and support as I go through this transition.



As the kids and adults crossed the bridge we learned that there are many stages of transition and although CHAOS is the hardest all the stages are important. This is important to remember because sometimes we are crossing multiple "transition bridges" at the same time and we are a different stages. The stages of the bridge are settled:which is when you are still in your comfortable place and you have just begun your transition. Then comes Unsettling: This is where things start to change and you have less control, it can be a confusing, frustration and emotionally draining time. Then you shift to CHAOS which is the hardest part of the bridge, where you are forced to depend on God in the midst of uncertainty. Then you shift to Re-settling where you are thankful that you survived the chaos but still don't know what to expect completely but hopeful that you will become back to that settled stage. Finally you reach back to the settled stage.

Come to Me...and I will give you rest

Although what we learned about conflict, adversity and stress are all critical and very important issues that we will face as we go out into the mission field, I would have to say the session that God really used to start to do heart surgery on me was our day on Embracing rest and Sabbath Keeping.

Those of you who know me well, know that I am one of those people who always keeps going and going...I'm not very good at just taking time to rest and stop trying to constantly check things off of my checklist. One day one of the trainers said this to us:

"If you have so much to do that you can't rest then think about this: what are you trying to prove to whom"

When she said this she was stressing the importance of resting and she wasn't talking about sleeping...she was talking about resting in the LORD and about turning off the phone, computer,putting away the checklist and being with the LORD. On our day talking about rest and Sabbath, Robin pretty much told us to take our Bibles and sheets with some questions and go be alone with God, He made us leave our phones, computers, ipods, etc because he wanted us to get away and not worry about all the things that we have to do and get away with the LORD, because the reality of it all is that email can wait or seeing if you have a new supporter can wait till the end of the day but we need to rest in the LORD.

So that morning Robin had us go off by ourselves in the building. I have to admit this was very hard for me to be all myself with no computer or ipod but I could feel the LORD knocking on my heart but I just sat there quietly waiting but honestly it was hard for my to focus. Then Robin said that we didn't have to come back to class till the late afternoon and challenged us to go outside near MTI and continue to seek the LORD. So I decided to walk down to Palmer Lake and sit down by the lake. I can say that God met me there:) I have to admit that I came to SPLICE, exhausted and honestly spiritually worn out and I hadn't not taken purposeful time to have a Sabbath and just rest. If you would have asked me how my walk was, I would have told you I was fine because I had been spending a lot of time doing things for God and talking about God but the thing is that I hadn't been spending time to get away from all the stuff I have to do and BE WITH God. God kinda rocked my world while I was sitting down by this little pond. He reminded me that He doesn't want the stuff I do or me to just talk about Him all the time...HE me to BE WITH HIM. He reminded me of his great love for me and reminded me of the fact that to come to him I don't have to have it all together. One of my classmates at SPLICE conveyed this perfectly: In offering God Nothing, I am actually offering Him Everything. God wants us not our things, He wants US!

We sang this song one morning and I have had it on repeat since I've been back and I think that it also goes along well with this subject...enjoy!




I was thankful for the reminder and importance of taking a Sabbath. It's not about being lazy and not doing anything but its about recharging and spending time with the one who sustains us! I will tell you that I am making it a priority to have a Sabbath each week and get away from the checklists, phone calls, support raising and noise, so I can get alone with my Savior. I challenge you all to make taking a Sabbath a priority, because it will change your walk with the LORD!

God and Adversity

One thing about being at SPLICE at MTI is that it is an intense 3wks. After we wrestled with and talked through handling conflict we jumped right into a few more very deep issues...adversity and stress. These are not exactly what you would call light and easy topics.

Nobody likes adversity...it put it simple it stinks and it's not fun at all,but in reality God uses adversity quite a bit in our lives (at least He has in mine!). Although adversity is not fun at all to go through...it has pushed me to depend more on the LORD. God uses adversity for many reasons it could be personal growth or it may be part of the ministry that you are doing, never the less I can say that as a missionary going out to the field I will be experiencing a lot of adversity and in everyday life people experience adversity but the real question is how do you react to adversity? Will you run to the LORD, who is good, faithful and the God of all comfort or will you run to the things of this world?

For me I don't like adversity because it is hard and its not fun and most of the time it really hurts and we just want God to take it away but as much as I don't like to say He does have a reason and He wants to revel something to us that will draw Him closer to Himself. We spent a good chunk of the time talking and dissecting 2Corinthians 12:7-10:

"or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

We talked about how God is enough and we also talked about contentment in the midst of adversity and Robin gave us these very true statements: Contentment isn't an innate quality...it originates from God, Contentment is rooted and grounded in God, Contentment can be learned. So in the midst of adversity we should run to the LORD.Robin gave us this quote and it really resonated with me:

"We have in ourselves by God's grace and power all that's needed to carry on independently of external circumstances"



We also talked a lot about stress and I have to say that its a very intense couple of sessions. Weather we like to admit it or not we all get stressed and it effects us and the things that we do and the decisions that we make. Learned to try and identify things that stress us and how we feel/how our bodies react and how we deal with stress. We also learned about how to relieve stress. On the mission field the lack of dealing with stress can be a big issue if not dealt with and leads a lot to burnout because the missionary gets too stressed out because they can't say no and allow themselves to rest. The next session was probably the most overall intense session of SPLICE, I am not going to go into detail but we were put in a situation that we had absolutely no control over and it was quite the intense and stress level raising situation. After that occurred we talked quite about high stress situations, because in all reality as we go out on the field that first little while of being on the field is always going to be a high stress situation and honestly our highest values will be tested. This is a huge thing that missionaries have to face. However, they talked us through ways to help manage our stress which included learning to say NO and taking a Sabbath, because as I mentioned before unmanaged and prolonged high stress leads to burnout and the missionary returning form the field.

Although stress and adversity are not fun subjects to experience or talk about they are real issues that a missionary will face on a daily basis. I am SO thankful that we talked and learned about these things!

Sharks, Turtles, Teddybears and Foxes

On of the biggest topics that we covered while at SPLICE was conflict. This can be a huge issue on the mission field because if you don't know how to handle conflict that can lead to many problems and many times as a result of unresolved conflict missionaries leave the field. This is just a snapshot of what we learned, but it was so good! :)

When we started to talk about conflict Robin told us that after the first year on the field, 84% of missionaries leave the location they are at, switch teams/agency or leave the field all together because of conflict with other missionaries from their home country. This stat is crazy to think about so you can see the importance of realizing how you yourself handle conflict but also how others handle conflict. So with that said here is a guess a head up to all who are missionaries or want to become missionaries: "If you are not willing to grow in your conflict management, Please: don't go to the misson field or find a way to the the mission ASAP" Learning how to manage conflict is a huge issue in cross cultural ministry and it must be addressed.

As we learned about conflict we learned about conflict handling styles...there are four main styles: the are the Sharks(who are the competing Style), the Turtles(the avoiding style), the teddybears(the accommodating style) and the foxes(the compromising style). We learned all about these styles and the advantages and disadvantages, but more importantly we learned how to relate to people with different conflict styles. When in cross cultural ministry you have to learn to exit your world and enter the other persons world, that means that you can't expect that they see everything just as you do and don't get me wrong this process is so hard and so against our culture but that is when you need to rely on God and cry out "God Help". You also need to suspend judgement and remember that different is just different not wrong. This sounds a lot easier than it actually is and I think that it is something that I am going to have to work at because I don't like to exit my world and my comfort zone but to be effective in ministry it will benifit me if I exit my world and enter their world.

This was so good to learn about and such a good learning experience and although it will be hard at times, I am so thankful that we learned about these conflict issues that will arise not only while we are still here in the States but also on the field.

SPLICE the preview

I have so much to write you about SPLICE so here is a sneak preview and I will go more in depth later. SPLICE was wonderful...words can not express the blessing and encouragement it was to spend three weeks in a close knit community with over 40 other wonderful missionaries and learn about the heart issues of ministering cross culturally.

I came to SPLICE because GCM required it not because I really wanted to go...honestly to me it was just another thing that I had to do and check off of my checklist of things I needed to do before I could leave for El Salvador. I honestly came to SPLICE exhausted and spiritually drained because I had been so focused on support raising and getting things checked off of my checklist. I also came to SPLICE not really wanting to make friends or get close to people because I didn't want to have to say goodbye to them in three weeks, BUT God had a completely different plan.

On that first day when we arrived Robin(one of the lead trainers) said that SPLICE was going to be a heart surgery. When he said this, I really didn't think much of it/it didn't really register because I was so focused on guarding my heart. This is where God really started to work. I sat with a few other single ladies...they were Stephanie, Renee and Ashley. We started talking and getting to know one another and we just connected and bonded instantly. At this point, I knew that SPLICE wasn't going to be anything like I expected. God was at work. These three girls along with Oriana, Christina and Emma Cokenour were part of what everyone called "the posse" because we got so close to each other and would hang out together all the time. I thank God so very much that He brought all of us together! I was just amazed at how well all of us at SPLICE just formed this unique bond. I think that part of it was that we understand each other and what we're going through and the fact that we don't have to explain ourselves all the time...we understand each other. I was so incredibly blessed by every single person at SPLICE. I also have to say how incredibly encouraging it was to see the families interact at SPLICE many of the families had young children and it was such and encouragement to see the Godly parenting that occurred. Words can not describe how blessed I was to meet all of my new friends from SPLICE!

Here is the posse minus Christina and Oriana :)


There will be more about what I learned at SPLICE and more in the next few days. I do have a pray request though...Leaving SPLICE ended in many very tearful goodbyes ( I cried a good chunk of the day Friday and Saturday).I left Colorado on Friday and my heart is still hurting from the goodbyes I had to say...I never expected to get so close to people in three weeks...I feel like I left family :( so please pray for this transition back into "reality" as I am really missing my friends from SPLICE right now. I want my SPLICE family to know that I love and miss you all!

In CO

Hola!

I'm sorry that I haven't blogged in forever (I am really going to start blogging consistently). I hope that you all have been well. A lot has gone on since I last blogged. I can tell you for sure that God has been doing some awesome things!
Since I last blogged I have moved back to Minnesota since I subleased my apartment since I am planning on leaving for El Salvador at the end of June or the beginning of July. That has for sure been an adjustment in the fact that I haven't lived at home for almost four years, but it will be a good readjustment for moving to ES and living with a family. My initial support raising is almost finish, which I praise God for! I am still praying for the rest of my support to come in soon so I ask you to be praying for that. Finally, I got into an earlier training that I needed so that was a huge blessing, the training is called SPLICE which I am at currently in Palmer Lake, CO and so far it has been good and God has been really moving in my heart by convicting and encouraging me in so many things.

SPLICE (which stands for spiritual, personal ,lifestyles, interpersonal, cultural and endurance/enjoyment) has been great, we have an amazing group of people here of 43 adults and we are going to 23 different countries. It has been amazing to meet new people and I do have to say that all the families here with kids have the cutest kids :) One of the big things that has been stressed is being one big community so this has been awesome because more and more everyday we are becoming like family here. There are so many stories of awesome and funny things that have happened here but I will just share a few.

One thing that we learned about was about the "yay duck" and the "yuck duck" it is a paradox analogy. When we talked about this it really struck me because the basis of it's meaning is that you can be really excited and really fearful about the same situation, especially in the realm of going overseas. For me this is so true, I am so beyond excited to go to ES but at the same time I have fears or concerns of giving up certain things so it has been really refreshing and encouraging to be able to see that it is alright to be both excited and concerned at the same time. Also along those lines we have been talking about the perception of missionaries and how they should be "perfect" and how it seems that a lot of the time we as missionaries feel that we need to be perfect all the time and not show the weak side of ourselves because we have that label as a missionary. It has just been really encouraging to be able to talk and discuss this with people who know exactly what your going through and such.

Another fun thing that I have done here since coming to SPLICE at MTI has been since we are in Colorado right at the foot of the Rocky Mountains, has been to go hiking, running, etc in the mountains and on the trails as a time to not only exercise but also just to marvel in God beautiful creation. So the other day Ashley( who is going to Honduras) and I set out on the Santa Fe trail towards Palmer Lake. We had only planned on hiking the two miles from MTI to Palmer Lake and then chill at the lake for the morning, however that is not what exactly occurred. Those of you who know me well know that I have to explore/be adventurous. So as we got to the lake we saw this other trail that kind of lead up this hill and into a different direction so we decided to follow it and it then lead us to another trail that would take us a lot farther and up in some elevation, so we pressed on. I was great fun except for the part where I map was labeled backwards, but before we know it we had hiked a ton and realized that we should probably head back. As we headed back we realized that we hadn't been drinking enough water and my hands swelled up like "pregnant lady finger" so we kept pushing on and finally made it back to MTI, but completely exhausted and worn out. We had hiked over 15miles in 3.5 hours and up in elevation and it was actually a lot of fun and we got to see some views of God's amazing creation. Here are some of those amazing views like Mount Herman, Palmer Lake, other mountains on our trail and the view of Pikes Peak from our trail: