This post would have been written very differently if I had written it just last night. The past three days or so have been a world wind for me. I have been broken down more than I thought that I could have been and have cried more tears than what I thought were possible.
I have realized that I have lost a very dear friendship to me and this has been a big part of my struggle and it has really broken my heart. I believe this person knows who they are so if you are to come across this post, I say to you from the deepest part of my heart, I'm so very deeply sorry, I've done wrong. I was wrong will you forgive me? I still love and really care about you! I'm praying for you!!!
Another thing that really hit me last night as I was at my breaking point was I came across this quote "whatever I cant live without is most likely what I need to let go" this really struck me. Is there something in my life that would make my life crash around me if it was taken from me? This really made me think and convicted me on somethings. So I ask you to take a moment and think about this.
On to the reference to the title of this post, as I mentioned before the last couple days I have become for broken than I even realized. However, last night I was taught a very dear lesson. I was broken and just called out to the Lord and said that I wasn't getting up off this floor until I knew He was in this situation and that I heard from Him. In His great mercy and love the Lord really shed some light on the struggles that I'm going through and reassured me that He is here and in this with me right by my side. I wish there were more words that could express this feeling of know that He is always by your side, no matter what. Another thing that he revealed to me is that I can't fix things or people, He is in control of that and I have to stop trying to take the wheel and control things.
Through the Word God gave me some gems to cling to and so I thought I would share them with you.
"My eyes strain to see your rescue, to see the truth of your promise fulfilled. I am your servant; deal with me in unfailing love, and teach me your decrees." Psalm 119:123-124
"So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." 1 Peter 5:6-7
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, The Lord is my portion;therefore I will wait for him." Lamentations 3:22-24
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13
These verses really hit me and brought me to my knees. Our God is so faithful even when we are not. His timing is perfect. I know I still have a lot of growing that I need to do and there are going to be a lot of more trials but I'm taking steps forward and keeping my eyes fixed above. Keeping my hope in the one who is always true and not in circumstances or things of this world. A saying I got from a friend a long time ago that has always really stuck with me "It's Your will,not mine".
Keep running the race with endurance...with eyes fixed above.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Something to think about
This was something I came across today and it really just got me thinking and I challenge you to just take a moment and think about it.
"What happened to you this week? Did you have a good week or a bad week? Did it seem like the events in your life were spinning out of control? In order for us to have deep-seated joy, we must realize that God is in control of every area of our lives.In life, things happen to us that we don't like and haven't planned. We can become frightened or angry when things happen that are out of our control. How we respond to these things will determine the state of our heart. Joy can only come as we rest in the sovereignty of God.Paul understood this well. His life was given to presenting the Gospel, discipling believers and planting churches. He effectively did these things all over the world. In the process of doing these things, many opposed him.Writing from prison in Rome, Paul was confident in the Sovereignty of God. If he had his choice in the matter, Paul would much rather have been free and spreading the gospel than being chained up as a prisoner. But in telling the Philippians to rejoice, Paul tells them that his circumstances have turned out to advance the gospel into a sphere that he would never have dreamed of (verses 1:12-14). God used a situation that He didn't like and couldn't control to advance the Gospel.When you understand that God is in control of "what happens to you," it enables you to rejoice in adverse circumstances. Joy is that deep settled confidence that God is in control in every area of my life."~ Oswald Chambers
I've realized this past weekend more and more how broken I really am...good thing God is in control. On another note I watched the movie saving sarah cain yesterday and that movie makes me cry everytime...one of the quotes that really hits deep for me, mostly because this quote describes me at times "The sad thing is, you are surrounded by people who love you, and you don't even see it." its just something to think about that really hits me.
"What happened to you this week? Did you have a good week or a bad week? Did it seem like the events in your life were spinning out of control? In order for us to have deep-seated joy, we must realize that God is in control of every area of our lives.In life, things happen to us that we don't like and haven't planned. We can become frightened or angry when things happen that are out of our control. How we respond to these things will determine the state of our heart. Joy can only come as we rest in the sovereignty of God.Paul understood this well. His life was given to presenting the Gospel, discipling believers and planting churches. He effectively did these things all over the world. In the process of doing these things, many opposed him.Writing from prison in Rome, Paul was confident in the Sovereignty of God. If he had his choice in the matter, Paul would much rather have been free and spreading the gospel than being chained up as a prisoner. But in telling the Philippians to rejoice, Paul tells them that his circumstances have turned out to advance the gospel into a sphere that he would never have dreamed of (verses 1:12-14). God used a situation that He didn't like and couldn't control to advance the Gospel.When you understand that God is in control of "what happens to you," it enables you to rejoice in adverse circumstances. Joy is that deep settled confidence that God is in control in every area of my life."~ Oswald Chambers
I've realized this past weekend more and more how broken I really am...good thing God is in control. On another note I watched the movie saving sarah cain yesterday and that movie makes me cry everytime...one of the quotes that really hits deep for me, mostly because this quote describes me at times "The sad thing is, you are surrounded by people who love you, and you don't even see it." its just something to think about that really hits me.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Dreaming of someday going there....
This song really just hit me this past hour/ hour and a half.
Face pressed up against the glass
Wondering how the birds take flight
& where the sun will go at night
Face pressed up against the glass
Making small circles of breath
& counting all the pieces left
Dreaming of somewhere far away
Where things get born and never feel lonely
Dreaming of one day going there, 'cause here
You gotta keep too many things inside
You gotta keep too many things inside
Breathing in shallow breaths
Feeling gentle heartbeats
& crawling underneath the sheets
Summertime, still light outside
Can't seem to penetrate
All the dark that's wanting to escape
What are those birds called
That cannot live in captivity?
Something wanting to stay alive
So she's keeping all those things inside
~Leah by Kim McMechan
Face pressed up against the glass
Wondering how the birds take flight
& where the sun will go at night
Face pressed up against the glass
Making small circles of breath
& counting all the pieces left
Dreaming of somewhere far away
Where things get born and never feel lonely
Dreaming of one day going there, 'cause here
You gotta keep too many things inside
You gotta keep too many things inside
Breathing in shallow breaths
Feeling gentle heartbeats
& crawling underneath the sheets
Summertime, still light outside
Can't seem to penetrate
All the dark that's wanting to escape
What are those birds called
That cannot live in captivity?
Something wanting to stay alive
So she's keeping all those things inside
~Leah by Kim McMechan
Monday, November 9, 2009
Just a thought
Today was one of those days that I truly realize how I have messed up things and hurt people. It truly breaks my heart that I have done this and truly and deeply hurt those who I deeply care about. It has been through my actions/non-actions and my words that have hurt so very deeply. I know that I have also recived hurt from people's words and actions/non-actions. On a day like this, I'm reminded so much of God's grace and mercy. He forgives us and gives us grace even though we don't deserve it. It was also just a good reminder to me today, that He does truly love us, even when we mess up everything. So why do we do these things to hurt the people we care about? Thoughts?
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Don't Fear Deeper Friendships
I have been struggling a lot with Friendships and relationships with people, especially establishing those deep relationships that go beyond the surfacy stuff. I tend to not trust people and their motives because of somethings that have happened in my past. However, I came across this devotional that one of my very dear friends forwarded to me a few months ago and it really encouraged me today.
Don't Fear Deeper Friendships
by Rick Warren
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline" (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV).
When we're full of fear and anxiety, we don't get close to each other. We back off from each other. We're afraid of being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used. All of these fears cause us to disconnect in life.
This fear is as old as humanity. When Adam and Eve sinned, and God came looking for them, Adam said, "I was afraid . . . so I hid" (Genesis 3:10 NIV). People have been doing that ever since. We're afraid, so we hide. We hide our true selves.
We don't let people know what we're really like. We don't let them see the inside of us. Why? Because if we let people know what we're like and they don't like it, we're up a creek without a paddle. Tough luck. Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? Because if I tell you who I am, and you don't like me, I'm in for it. I have no alternative. So we wear masks and we pretend.
Fear does three terrible things to relationships:
1. Fear makes us defensive. We're afraid to reveal ourselves. We defend ourselves. When people point out our weaknesses, we retaliate and defend ourselves.
2. Fear keeps us distant. We don't let people get close to us. We want to withdraw, pull back. We want to hide our emotions. We don't want to be open and honest. We become defensive and distant.
3. Fear makes us demanding. Whenever we're insecure, and the more insecure we are, the more we try to control. So we try to have the last word in a relationship. We try to dominate, control. It's always a symptom of fear and insecurity.
Where do you get the confidence, the courage, to take the first step in connecting with someone, to go into a deeper intimacy? Where do you get that courage?
You get it from God's Spirit in your life. Paul tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For the Holy Spirit, God's gift, does not want you to be afraid of people but to be wise and strong (courageous), and to love them and enjoy being with them" (LB).
How do you know when you're filled with God's Spirit? You're more courageous in your relationships. You love people. You enjoy being with them. You're not afraid of them because God's Spirit is in your life. The Bible says "God is love," and "Love casts out all fear." The more of God you have in your life, the less of fear you're going to have in your life.
So the starting point in connecting with anybody is to pause, pray, and say, "God, give me the courage to take the first step." You need to do that now with a person you want to connect with.
Don't Fear Deeper Friendships
by Rick Warren
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline" (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV).
When we're full of fear and anxiety, we don't get close to each other. We back off from each other. We're afraid of being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used. All of these fears cause us to disconnect in life.
This fear is as old as humanity. When Adam and Eve sinned, and God came looking for them, Adam said, "I was afraid . . . so I hid" (Genesis 3:10 NIV). People have been doing that ever since. We're afraid, so we hide. We hide our true selves.
We don't let people know what we're really like. We don't let them see the inside of us. Why? Because if we let people know what we're like and they don't like it, we're up a creek without a paddle. Tough luck. Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? Because if I tell you who I am, and you don't like me, I'm in for it. I have no alternative. So we wear masks and we pretend.
Fear does three terrible things to relationships:
1. Fear makes us defensive. We're afraid to reveal ourselves. We defend ourselves. When people point out our weaknesses, we retaliate and defend ourselves.
2. Fear keeps us distant. We don't let people get close to us. We want to withdraw, pull back. We want to hide our emotions. We don't want to be open and honest. We become defensive and distant.
3. Fear makes us demanding. Whenever we're insecure, and the more insecure we are, the more we try to control. So we try to have the last word in a relationship. We try to dominate, control. It's always a symptom of fear and insecurity.
Where do you get the confidence, the courage, to take the first step in connecting with someone, to go into a deeper intimacy? Where do you get that courage?
You get it from God's Spirit in your life. Paul tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For the Holy Spirit, God's gift, does not want you to be afraid of people but to be wise and strong (courageous), and to love them and enjoy being with them" (LB).
How do you know when you're filled with God's Spirit? You're more courageous in your relationships. You love people. You enjoy being with them. You're not afraid of them because God's Spirit is in your life. The Bible says "God is love," and "Love casts out all fear." The more of God you have in your life, the less of fear you're going to have in your life.
So the starting point in connecting with anybody is to pause, pray, and say, "God, give me the courage to take the first step." You need to do that now with a person you want to connect with.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
This is for Alexa :)
So I discovered this song at the end of July and I'm absoultely in love with it. This is also the official jam out song for Alexa and I.
A little wake up call
Today was one of those days where I got a a little wake up call from the Lord that was much needed. He kicked my butt today and really convicted me on somethings, especially in trying to grow in relationships with people.
First this morning I read a passage from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers and it kicked my butt. It was about how I am not my own and that I was bought at a price. The big thing that hit me was he was talking about heart break and how God has to break our hearts to lead to His purposes. This quote from the passage really struck me " If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?" I'd encourage you just take a moment and think about this. This was something that really hit me this morning and convicted me about how I have been reacting to how my heart has been broken lately.
Then Brad's message this morning at church on growing richer in relationships really hit me and hit right on a area where I am struggling in right and have struggled with for a while and that is relationships. He talked about how its not good to be a so called "one man band" in the Christian life, we need to be in relationship with one another and not isolate ourselves from others. He gave four reasons why people tend to not want to be in fellowship with others and they were being busy, efficiency and productivity, pain and selfishness. This really convicted me because I have used all these excuses (especially being busy and pain) at one point to not be in fellowship. This message really convicted me on the fact that I need to be in fellowship and that I can't keep isolating myself. I would really encourage you to listen to the message, you can download it from stonebrooke's website.
First this morning I read a passage from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers and it kicked my butt. It was about how I am not my own and that I was bought at a price. The big thing that hit me was he was talking about heart break and how God has to break our hearts to lead to His purposes. This quote from the passage really struck me " If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?" I'd encourage you just take a moment and think about this. This was something that really hit me this morning and convicted me about how I have been reacting to how my heart has been broken lately.
Then Brad's message this morning at church on growing richer in relationships really hit me and hit right on a area where I am struggling in right and have struggled with for a while and that is relationships. He talked about how its not good to be a so called "one man band" in the Christian life, we need to be in relationship with one another and not isolate ourselves from others. He gave four reasons why people tend to not want to be in fellowship with others and they were being busy, efficiency and productivity, pain and selfishness. This really convicted me because I have used all these excuses (especially being busy and pain) at one point to not be in fellowship. This message really convicted me on the fact that I need to be in fellowship and that I can't keep isolating myself. I would really encourage you to listen to the message, you can download it from stonebrooke's website.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)